Thursday, November 5, 2009

One more day...

TOM is almost over. I'm starting my first injection on Saturday. I'm so excited about mixing the HCG and bacteriostatic water and using the injections. haha what a weirdo. I can't wait to inject myself...for reals! I can't wait to lose all this yucky fat. How can I allow myself to gain all this fat...man! im 35 lbs over weight. I hate it. I feel like im a big ball of fat with a face. ewwwww! i cant recognize myself. I know I'm known for my square jaws, but man! im just a fat rounded faced girl right now. ewwwwww! i hate myself for eating too much. The worse part too is not being able to fit in my clothes. I struggle every time I have to dress up. I have to wear yucky clothes just to be able to go out of the house with clothes. I look like a tramp...super squatter looking! I really look like a poor person with mismatched top and pants. Last monday, i had to wear a dress to church just cuz i couldn't put on any pair of pants. i hate it! I refuse to buy new clothes!!!! I already said im not going to buy any clothes until I lose 10 pounds.

Can I still dwell on being fat??? hahahah When I'm fat i feel yucky....I dont have the energy to put on makeup...or even fix my hair. It's like a domino effect! when you dont feel good, everything else just seems to be crappy! I was in Baguio yesterday for work. In the room, when I was fixing my stuff, i was huffing and puffing. My brother was like, damn! you really need to lose weight. You're breathing hard. He laughed at me even more when I brought out my suitcase to the car. WTF! I hate my fats! I really really want to get mad at my fats so I will never allow them to come back.

Anyway, I'm hoping that I can lose as much weight as normal people who are not hypothyroid. I've read that people with hypothyroid will lose less weight. If i have to go thru 3 rounds, I'll do it. I'm here to succeed! I despise fat...so I need to stick to this HCG protocol. All I can say is that I'm super excited to start on saturday! I keep staring at the HCG and bacteriostatic vials...can't wait to mix em. haha

So there! Good luck to me and I'll keep updating my journey.

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